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Actually, I remember noticing her when I was around 4years old. She used to be around from even then! She used to be calm, silent and very reserved in nature. But at that time, I did not interact with her and neither she with me. We just used to be with each other for a while. As I grew up, my association with her grew. But even then, the communication used to be no different. Nothing meaningful exchanged between us. This went on and on for the rest of my childhood. By 5th standard, things were different. I looked at her from a different point of view. I did not know her feelings for me, but I began to play with her, at least. Play meant some more interaction with her.

And more importantly she began communicating with me freely. I responded to her in my own childlike manner. Remember, I was just around 10 years old. It was from my sixth standard onwards that we began our association in right earnest. I was growing and began to understand and comprehend more things.

I would sometimes like her and sometimes get angry with her. The good thing was that, she never minded when I was angry with her. She continued to be stoic always. In fact, many persons used to compliment her on her calmness and she was a favourite of many. Since I was a child, though I had regard for her, I never became jealous when others also liked her. In my 6th, 7th, 8th and 9th standards, I had no friends nearby my house. She was near me, so she was one of my two companions in childhood outside the school, the other being my sister. So, I became close with her. That was the best period of my life with her, when my regard for her increased greatly. In the afternoons on holidays, I had no one to play with. My sister used to read books or go to her friend’s place often. I had no option but to play with this dear friend. My own versions of cricket, football and other games I used to play with her. She seemed to like me very much because she always was with me.

Now, having grown along with me too, she grew up to be beautiful and graceful. Calmness and gentleness added greatly to her beauty.

In 10th my teenage years began. I slowly started learning the nuances of love and romance! My attitudes towards the opposite sex started changing. It was also the time of romantic movies like “Oru Thalai Ragam”, “Panner Pushpangal” etc. They enhanced the romantic feelings in everyone of that period, especially those of teenage children. I too was a victim of these movies and started having these “romantic feelings.”

But ironically, my interaction with her suddenly decreased as I was caught up in the academic “pressure” of 10th, Plus 1 and Plus 2. They seemed more important and with all kinds of classes (special classes, night classes, extra classes, tests etc) I had little time for her. She too did not seem to mind and we just met on Sundays or the odd holidays. Still, that attachment continued. It was not all that deep attachment but that hold on each other was there in the background.

When I finished my Plus 2 it suddenly struck me that I had to leave her. She had no ambitions, but I had to go out to continue my studies at college. With great visions of “beautiful” college life with lots of “new” girls, I was not bothered about leaving her, especially as I was not yet fully in “love” with her. Somehow, I did not think much of leaving her. I guess she must have been sad. But I did not know. I just said bye to my parents, sister and her when I left for college. You can say that our lives parted there at that point, as we went different ways. I was absorbed in my own life. I used to meet her when I came home for holidays. She was now beautiful and grown and lovely, but now, there was a new change in me.

I had a certain arrogance that comes from “pursuing education outside and staying in a hostel.” I felt I was superior to her. I felt she was not equal to me. I thought I knew so much now, having seen new places, stayed outside and gaining new experiences. My respect for her decreased gradually. And all this while, she was her usual self, silent, calm and peaceful.

Then one day, there was a jolt to my academic life. I had joined an Engineering college in Maharashtra and was studying in the second year. In the beginning of our second year, a notice was put up on the college notice board saying that recognition to the college was not yet given and the students studying there would be doing so at their own risk! It was a big shock to all of us. We all went to the Aurangabad University, only to be told that the college was not recognized! While some continued bravely, many like me came back midway. I lost two valuable academic years. I was heartbroken and came back to my home and had to spend the next six months at home before I could join in another course the next academic year.

All those six months, I had none as a companion. Then, at that time, I remembered her. She was still there, as calm and unruffled as usual. It was she who gave me solace, some comfort. I used to keep on telling her all that happened. She used to comfort me. I loved her then. For the first time, I looked at her in new light. My parents were caught up with their lives, my sister was away at college, and I used to spend more and more time with her, without my parent’s knowledge. Still, my feelings for her were very respectful and I loved her way of assuring me of sympathy and support.

The six months over, I got ready to join a new college, this time at Chennai. I had to leave her with a heavy heart this time, as I had become somewhat attached to her for the last few months. I bid goodbye to her and left for Chennai. I did my studies at Chennai for 5 years. Chennai life was colourful, full with fun activities and entertainment. My visits to neyveli were far and between. Whenever I visited neyveli it was on holidays or weekends. And invariably, I spent lot of time at home with my parents and not with her. Slowly, the ungrateful heart of mine once again began forgetting her. I did not know what happened to her or how she was. I lost touch with her totally.

Ten days before my final semester exams of Post-graduation, my family was struck a tragic blow we never recovered from. My father passed away. It was sudden and very unfortunate. We were shattered. My sister had also just completed her studies, her M.phil, and was unmarried. My poor mother was also totally numbed. I had to take charge. I accepted the offer of job by Neyveli Lignite Corporation on compassionate grounds and in a couple of years managed to conduct the marriage of my sister. I was caught up in this new life. Years passed. I was in a dilemma whether to continue this job or resign and take up another job elsewhere in my native place. Finally I decided to continue here.

I think it was the year 1999, when I was cycling idly in splendid isolation, pondering on how life had twisted and turned for me and how situations changed for me, it was at that time, it was evening, it was twilight, at around evening 6.30, when it is neither day nor night, when it is dusk, when it is neither bright nor dark, when day ends and night begins, that I saw her !!!

It was unmistakably her! The same smile, the same cheer, the same calmness, the same stride, the same gentleness, the same grace, the same innocence, the same quiet attitude…! My heart leapt, my hands shook, my voice quivered, tears swelled up in my eyes. What would I say to her? I had not shared anything with her all these years. I had not even attempted to meet her, talk to her, I did not even bother to find out how she was, I had simply forgotten her. What would she feel? At that instant, SHE SAW ME ! ! ! I stood there, utterly exposed. What would she say? Would she be bitter? Would she turn away? Would she turn me down? No. No. She was an angel. With the same smile, with the same twinkle in her eye, with the same cheer, with the same innocence, with the same care and affection, she came to me. She gave me hope, gave me cheer, gave me solace, comfort and confidence. She was everything to me. How could I ignore her all these days? How did I ignore her at all? Was she not with me from my childhood? Should I not have turned to her earlier, much much earlier? I reproached myself. I now looked at her with new eyes, new respect, new dimension and a new perspective.

Tears welled up in my eyes, there was a lump in my throat, I gulped, I did not know what to do. In spite of all my shortcomings she had forgiven me. In spite of all my insults she had no misgivings towards me. She was with me throughout, she was in my heart all these days, she had cared for me always, she was an angel, she was my saviour, she was everything to me, even now, she was with me, my dear dear dear neyveli, my own neyveli!!! She gave me life, she gave me love, she gave me my home, she showed me the way. I am one of the numerous children of this kind mother, this matriarch who nurtures all in her fold. I grew up on her roads, streets and by-lanes. She gave me joy, laughter, sorrow and hope. I love her, damn it, I love her. I love neyveli.

And, to this day, I continue to cherish and love her. Chweeeeeeet Neyveli!!!

Author - Kaza Raja, Neyveli